A reasonable man adapts himself to the world, the unreasonable man tries to adapt the world to himself, but the most reasonable man creates his own world. When your external world drives you more than the dreams that are within you, you cease to be in charge. Circumstances become our compelling counselors, and our potential to become a world changer is changed by the world (Nation).
My concern now is not whether Nigeria is 51; my concern is what if a nation like Nigeria cannot change you, would you change the nation? Tell me, what is your contribution to the growth of our nation? It is a true statement that any nation that will grow must first grow within, because what happens within reflects without. This unarguably fact is a proof that Nigeria will never experience NATIONAL TRANSFORMATION without PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION.
It is so pathetic that many of us have lost personal identity in our quest for the retrieval of national identity. My question is, can doing ever take the place of being? We have become driven individuals rather than called individuals. Doing is simply the reflection of our inner core. Who I am should dictate what I do, not the other way round. In other words, we are human beings not human doings.
Like I once said in a conference, ‘that I am not an advocate for the orthodox national transformation.’ not because I don’t believe in anything national, but I strongly believe that personal transformation is the key to national calibration. The problem of our Nation is not about National influence but Personal influence. I hope we can focus more on the seed and not the fruit; when we pray for the seeds, the fruits can get better.
A great nation possesses more of human beings than human doings. It is “I am, therefore I do.” not “I do, therefore I am.” I have said all of that to say that personal development is the way, emphatically the only way to national development. The wealth of every nation is a function of the quality and not the quantity of people living therein.
This is my message to Nigerians on Nigeria’s 51stbirthday!!!
I actually wrote this for Nigeria on her 51st birthday!!!
Happy Birthday Nigeria!!!
+2348030803499, bbpin 2792a50c
Sunday, November 6, 2011
EMPLOYABILITY
Employability is the capability of getting and keeping satisfactory work. It’s about capable of getting and keeping fulfilling work, having the capability to move self sufficiently within the labour market to realize potential through sustainability employment. Employability also depends on the knowledge, skills and attitudes that people possess; importantly the way they use those assets and present them to employers, and the context within which they seek work.
Certainly, your degree will unlock doors but you can’t rely on it alone. It will make you eligible to apply for jobs that specify a graduate applicant, though the subject and your class of degree may also be important to certain employers especially in our kind of environment. But however good your degree class, however relevant your subject to the job that you'll be applying for, it is probable that you will be competing for this job with a set of other graduates who are equally well-qualified academically.
Though a degree is not enough, also passing aptitude test is not enough, but there should be a combination of degree, skills, and attitude to get to the peak of your career. Your degree is not the only key, gets skills, know your skills and also put attitude in place.
Once your degree has unlocked the door, you'll need the right mix of skills, abilities and personal qualities in order to turn the handle and give the door the push that will open it to you. Get the right key and get employed.
Monday, September 12, 2011
VALUE
I often ask people these questions: why do you think you are being pay less? Why do you think your interviewer prefers the other person to you? And why do you think you attract someone special? I am so sure that a lot must have been pumping through your mind. Why do you think you attract the lower-class citizens, why do you think you are not making maximum achievement? And why do you think your growth is inconsistence? As an entity are you advancing or regressing? Are you increasing in age or value?
What I’m about to share with you are few thoughts of mine which I have been privileged to perspicuously discuss with peers and at conferences. But before I proceed, let me ask you this question, what do you think value is? And what is your worth?
“To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.”
Value, in summary, I have defined as the unseen that put the seen on the edge. It is that unseen that causes a change on the seen. Also, value is the amount for which something can be exchanged in the open market; it is the equivalent of a thing. And I say, for every individual that must experience profitable change, he/she must first acquire noticeable value.
The resuscitating and enthralling speaker, Jimi Tewe, says in his most recent masterpiece titled, “Free from corporate slavery,” and I quote, “value optimization is essential about translating every potential that lies in discovered value into physical form so that it can be of benefit to society and the world at large.” I personally believe the unadorned truth that every organizational growth is triggered by employees’ growth, irrespective of its employer’s goal; also, that national growth is aided by personal growth; and more so, that the wealth of a nation is a function of the quality (value) and not quantity of people living therein. Every national transformation is usually a result of personal transformation. Like I usually say that to grow within is to grow without.
“The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge.”
The result of every employee is measured by his input and contributions to the organization he works for. That’s why your value is your greatest tool for effectiveness and efficiency in organizational development, like wise national development. It is by your in-growth that you produce out-growth. I want to suggest to you that your increase in worth is a dependent factor on your increase in value; you cannot give more when you have not become more, and the measure of your value dictates the measure of your worth. If only you can show me your value, then I can tell you your worth.
I have discovered the same way value attracts, value repels. May be you are an undergraduate who needs Job and you have failed to care for value, then you have failed at getting a job. I have seen the market place as a place of exchange; somewhere we exchange value for value. My philosophy says, “Whatever you want to attract, you first must become.” The value of an accountant will not deliver the result of a doctor. And however, every value has their location, know your value, develop your value and locate your value placement.
It is very crucial for us as individuals to understand that our worth is determine by our value, the reason why you are where you are today is because you have acquired something, but my question is , is it value? Either you believe it or not, someone will have to be foolish for wisdom to continue to have value. It is who will be foolish that we do not know. In fact, this cannot be exterminated in the market place. Foolishness is a species that cannot become extinct, so is wisdom.
According to one of the greatest philosopher of our generation, Kunle Soriyan, he says, “nuisance value is the value of an entity’s contribution to the underdevelopment, disorderliness and irritation of society.” Entity here will be a community, nation, family, person, idea, process, system, procedure or whatever is a determinant factor of human success.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
The truth remains that, ultimate success is not measured in terms of present status but in the ultimate values of the system and structure you will leave behind as a legacy. And considering the fact that success is not only measured in terms of obvious achievement, but in terms of whatever you achieve compared to what you could have achieved. What you could have achieved compared to the true value of your potential. This is the true measurement of success.
In conclusion, it is very easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is also easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. It is not about where you are but what you have. I have said all that is to say, that your intrinsic value will make you valuable and increase your worth. I encourage you to search for that which will make you relevant, and I hope to see you soon and hear your testimony. Peace
What I’m about to share with you are few thoughts of mine which I have been privileged to perspicuously discuss with peers and at conferences. But before I proceed, let me ask you this question, what do you think value is? And what is your worth?
“To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.”
Value, in summary, I have defined as the unseen that put the seen on the edge. It is that unseen that causes a change on the seen. Also, value is the amount for which something can be exchanged in the open market; it is the equivalent of a thing. And I say, for every individual that must experience profitable change, he/she must first acquire noticeable value.
The resuscitating and enthralling speaker, Jimi Tewe, says in his most recent masterpiece titled, “Free from corporate slavery,” and I quote, “value optimization is essential about translating every potential that lies in discovered value into physical form so that it can be of benefit to society and the world at large.” I personally believe the unadorned truth that every organizational growth is triggered by employees’ growth, irrespective of its employer’s goal; also, that national growth is aided by personal growth; and more so, that the wealth of a nation is a function of the quality (value) and not quantity of people living therein. Every national transformation is usually a result of personal transformation. Like I usually say that to grow within is to grow without.
“The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge.”
The result of every employee is measured by his input and contributions to the organization he works for. That’s why your value is your greatest tool for effectiveness and efficiency in organizational development, like wise national development. It is by your in-growth that you produce out-growth. I want to suggest to you that your increase in worth is a dependent factor on your increase in value; you cannot give more when you have not become more, and the measure of your value dictates the measure of your worth. If only you can show me your value, then I can tell you your worth.
I have discovered the same way value attracts, value repels. May be you are an undergraduate who needs Job and you have failed to care for value, then you have failed at getting a job. I have seen the market place as a place of exchange; somewhere we exchange value for value. My philosophy says, “Whatever you want to attract, you first must become.” The value of an accountant will not deliver the result of a doctor. And however, every value has their location, know your value, develop your value and locate your value placement.
It is very crucial for us as individuals to understand that our worth is determine by our value, the reason why you are where you are today is because you have acquired something, but my question is , is it value? Either you believe it or not, someone will have to be foolish for wisdom to continue to have value. It is who will be foolish that we do not know. In fact, this cannot be exterminated in the market place. Foolishness is a species that cannot become extinct, so is wisdom.
According to one of the greatest philosopher of our generation, Kunle Soriyan, he says, “nuisance value is the value of an entity’s contribution to the underdevelopment, disorderliness and irritation of society.” Entity here will be a community, nation, family, person, idea, process, system, procedure or whatever is a determinant factor of human success.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
The truth remains that, ultimate success is not measured in terms of present status but in the ultimate values of the system and structure you will leave behind as a legacy. And considering the fact that success is not only measured in terms of obvious achievement, but in terms of whatever you achieve compared to what you could have achieved. What you could have achieved compared to the true value of your potential. This is the true measurement of success.
In conclusion, it is very easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is also easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. It is not about where you are but what you have. I have said all that is to say, that your intrinsic value will make you valuable and increase your worth. I encourage you to search for that which will make you relevant, and I hope to see you soon and hear your testimony. Peace
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
POTENTIAL VERSUS CREDENTIAL
I was privileged to speak at the NYSC camp, Ondo state, and after my delivery some Corp members came to ask me this question, “What do I need to get the job of my dream?” From observation, it is common to first-class graduates to say, “my result is good enough to get me anywhere in the marketplace.” While, on the other hand, the general confession of most second class lower or third class graduate is, “if I can just get any job, I will be so happy.” In addition, few of the most common philosophy and verbal expression of an average Corp member are, ''getting a job is not easy, you need to have the best grade to get the best pay,” “I need someone up to get up,” “I have remained on the ground because of my background.'' And I asked myself, would it be grade or grace? Is it “credential or potential?''
KNOW THYSELF
Affirmatively, I have observed and concluded that one of the tools that help you in getting the right job is your potential and not just your credential. I have defined potential as a credential that will make you influential and essential in life. I think it is very essential that youths should first discover their potential before acquiring a credential; your potential will help you to get to the right market, and display you as the right commodity. But also, there is need for you to discover your location after that you have discovered and refined your potential. Having converted your potential into value, it is also important that you acquire the skill to sell yourself, knowing well that no organization will employ you without perceiving your intrinsic value. No organization wants to pay for liability, they only pay for asset. What are you? And what have you?
Frankly speaking, you need to understand who you are before you can relate who you are; relating who you are and what you have is a great challenge in the labour market. When a man locates his location then his allocation will locate him. There might be conflict when you are trying to know who you are, but there is always a convex after discovery. You need self awareness before employment; finding a job is not as important finding yourself.
FIND YOUR PLACE
Moreover, one of the inherent characteristics of self discovery is that it elucidates where your potential is most relevant and needed. In the discovery of you is the realization of your supposed location and position. Your potential can't be something to everyone, but could be everything to someone. Knowing who you are, what you have and then which company needs that which you have will make a great difference in your career. The ancient book says, “Fools weary themselves because they don’t know the way to town.” But my challenge is that if you don’t know the way, you should know who to ask. Destiny requires Clarity. Every destination needs a direction for the justification of activity.
Many graduates have discovered their potential but some failed to value it. Agree with me that whatever you don't appreciate will depreciate, what you fail to value you devalue, and that which you don't use you will lose. Every man God created is not empty, for you to make impact you need to discover your potential, value your potential, develop your potential, commercialize your potential and share your potential. Every individual has an irresoluble calling or combination of natural and unique talents, and it’s up to us to discover them, refine them, and display them. The value you don’t celebrate will not appreciate.
SHARPEN YOUR SKILL, SHAPEN YOURSELF
Many graduates often attempt to do mighty things with tiny skills, but my challenge has always been how do you do something without having anything? The labour market is a place of exchange; it is a place where we exchange value for value, not certificate for money. And if you must be in that market or for you to get a job, you have to get the value that will attract your employer. Getting a job to me simply require creating value, and communicating that value. And creating value requires that you discover yourself, develop yourself, feed your mind not your tummy, and ingest yourself with relevant information to avoid deformation. Employment, I think, should only be for those who are intellectually capable, not those who are intellectually disabled.
Many graduates have asked me the question, “How do I develop my potential?” and one of my most common suggestions is personal development, the refinement of potential, skill and philosophy. In addition, whatever you yearn for you learn from, and whatever you learn for you earn for. Your potential is the key, discover it and maximize it. I challenge you to challenge yourself that your present condition is not the best, what you have is never enough, get knowledge, get facts, be the best to beat the best, and let what you have attract what you want.
I wish you all the best in your career advancement.
McLawrence Whurley Joseph
+2348030803499
oluwole.joseph@ymail.com
KNOW THYSELF
Affirmatively, I have observed and concluded that one of the tools that help you in getting the right job is your potential and not just your credential. I have defined potential as a credential that will make you influential and essential in life. I think it is very essential that youths should first discover their potential before acquiring a credential; your potential will help you to get to the right market, and display you as the right commodity. But also, there is need for you to discover your location after that you have discovered and refined your potential. Having converted your potential into value, it is also important that you acquire the skill to sell yourself, knowing well that no organization will employ you without perceiving your intrinsic value. No organization wants to pay for liability, they only pay for asset. What are you? And what have you?
Frankly speaking, you need to understand who you are before you can relate who you are; relating who you are and what you have is a great challenge in the labour market. When a man locates his location then his allocation will locate him. There might be conflict when you are trying to know who you are, but there is always a convex after discovery. You need self awareness before employment; finding a job is not as important finding yourself.
FIND YOUR PLACE
Moreover, one of the inherent characteristics of self discovery is that it elucidates where your potential is most relevant and needed. In the discovery of you is the realization of your supposed location and position. Your potential can't be something to everyone, but could be everything to someone. Knowing who you are, what you have and then which company needs that which you have will make a great difference in your career. The ancient book says, “Fools weary themselves because they don’t know the way to town.” But my challenge is that if you don’t know the way, you should know who to ask. Destiny requires Clarity. Every destination needs a direction for the justification of activity.
Many graduates have discovered their potential but some failed to value it. Agree with me that whatever you don't appreciate will depreciate, what you fail to value you devalue, and that which you don't use you will lose. Every man God created is not empty, for you to make impact you need to discover your potential, value your potential, develop your potential, commercialize your potential and share your potential. Every individual has an irresoluble calling or combination of natural and unique talents, and it’s up to us to discover them, refine them, and display them. The value you don’t celebrate will not appreciate.
SHARPEN YOUR SKILL, SHAPEN YOURSELF
Many graduates often attempt to do mighty things with tiny skills, but my challenge has always been how do you do something without having anything? The labour market is a place of exchange; it is a place where we exchange value for value, not certificate for money. And if you must be in that market or for you to get a job, you have to get the value that will attract your employer. Getting a job to me simply require creating value, and communicating that value. And creating value requires that you discover yourself, develop yourself, feed your mind not your tummy, and ingest yourself with relevant information to avoid deformation. Employment, I think, should only be for those who are intellectually capable, not those who are intellectually disabled.
Many graduates have asked me the question, “How do I develop my potential?” and one of my most common suggestions is personal development, the refinement of potential, skill and philosophy. In addition, whatever you yearn for you learn from, and whatever you learn for you earn for. Your potential is the key, discover it and maximize it. I challenge you to challenge yourself that your present condition is not the best, what you have is never enough, get knowledge, get facts, be the best to beat the best, and let what you have attract what you want.
I wish you all the best in your career advancement.
McLawrence Whurley Joseph
+2348030803499
oluwole.joseph@ymail.com
Monday, August 8, 2011
QUOTES
The world is not your world not until when you make your world. If you don’t have a picture you can’t have a future.
If you are not in your place you can be displaced.
If God ceased to speak everything ceased to live.
The life of God is the life of man.
If you cannot see beyond, you cannot go beyond.
What you become is what you believe. And what you believe is what you receive
The more you are informed the more you are transformed.
In relationship, it is purpose before pleasure.
Whatever cannot make you can break you.
If you cannot see, you cannot stand.
What you see is what keeps you moving. Vision
Greatness does not start from the outside it starts from the inside.
What makes you is your thought.
Success in life is a combination of relationships.
You are the only one who can determine what drives you.
The future you cannot picture, you cannot feature.
What makes you stand out is your value.
The only difference between the rich and the poor is what they see and how they see. perspective
If you can read, you can lead.
You must first become a seeker before you can become a speaker.
It is the content that promotes the container.
Man needs God to survive but God does not need man to survive.
Your arrival speaks of your survival.
If you cannot seek, you cannot speak.
If you cannot tolerate, you cannot relate.
When you have a positive thought, you have a positive life.
In relationship, it is not love that sustains it, first foundation is self knowledge. Knowing who you are before who you want.
If you know who you are, you’ll know what you need.
What you see inside is what you become outside.
Lovers are givers.
If you can perceive, you can receive.
You first become a giver, then a receiver.
If you cannot see what God has placed inside me you may likely abuse me.
It is the book you read that determines your look.
The journey you cannot see you cannot end.
You cannot love a gift more than the giver.
If God can wake you up, He can keep you up.
If you cannot be a thinker, you ultimately become a stinker.
God can break you to make you.
Change will come when there is a change in leadership. Organisation principle.
You can never be on a mission without vision.
When you feel good on the inside, you look good on the outside.
God’s movement is God’s presence, God’s presence Is God’s power.
If you are not in your place you can be displaced.
If God ceased to speak everything ceased to live.
The life of God is the life of man.
If you cannot see beyond, you cannot go beyond.
What you become is what you believe. And what you believe is what you receive
The more you are informed the more you are transformed.
In relationship, it is purpose before pleasure.
Whatever cannot make you can break you.
If you cannot see, you cannot stand.
What you see is what keeps you moving. Vision
Greatness does not start from the outside it starts from the inside.
What makes you is your thought.
Success in life is a combination of relationships.
You are the only one who can determine what drives you.
The future you cannot picture, you cannot feature.
What makes you stand out is your value.
The only difference between the rich and the poor is what they see and how they see. perspective
If you can read, you can lead.
You must first become a seeker before you can become a speaker.
It is the content that promotes the container.
Man needs God to survive but God does not need man to survive.
Your arrival speaks of your survival.
If you cannot seek, you cannot speak.
If you cannot tolerate, you cannot relate.
To be God conscious is to be self conscious.
When you have a positive thought, you have a positive life.
In relationship, it is not love that sustains it, first foundation is self knowledge. Knowing who you are before who you want.
If you know who you are, you’ll know what you need.
What you see inside is what you become outside.
Lovers are givers.
If you can perceive, you can receive.
You first become a giver, then a receiver.
If you cannot see what God has placed inside me you may likely abuse me.
It is the book you read that determines your look.
The journey you cannot see you cannot end.
You cannot love a gift more than the giver.
If God can wake you up, He can keep you up.
If you cannot be a thinker, you ultimately become a stinker.
God can break you to make you.
Change will come when there is a change in leadership. Organisation principle.
You can never be on a mission without vision.
When you feel good on the inside, you look good on the outside.
God’s movement is God’s presence, God’s presence Is God’s power.
If you don’t do it right, you cannot get it right.If you don’t have a picture you can’t have a future.
Every organisation growth is determines by the employee’s growth.
>Get hincyte and be hygnite.If you feel bad on the inside you’ll feel bad on the outside.
Preparation before promotion.
For you to do more, you have to become more.
Every inspiration is the mother of manifestation.
Knowledge is to learn and know.
You need to deal with the inside to be better on the outside.
The world is not your world not until when you make your world.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
"OKUN IFE"
“A break of heart is not a break of life”
Hi friends, It gives me great delight to share with you in a moment, a true life story of Mac, who got into a relationship with a damsel called Mag. I am confident that at the end of this write up you will have a few things to learn not by default anyway. Laugh! A young man called Mac started a short-lived romantic and envied relationship with a young and descent lady, called Mag in the city of Lagos, Nigeria. But this eight months mellifluous affair ended just some weeks ago.
“The best divorce is the one you get before you get married”
I am about to express my sincere mind and my experience in a broken relationship. Hum! Do we still have a life after a break up? Share my heart trauma.
The truth is that, a break up is one of the toughest things you’ll ever experience. Breaking up from an unhealthy relationship even hurts. And research proved that, the person who initiates a break up can suffer more unhappiness than the person who is being rejected. Research shows fifty one percent of breakups are initiated by the woman and forty two percent by the man.
I think sometimes, a breakup helps the destiny of both party, especially in an unhealthy relationship, but the truth remains that breaking up can be the kindest cruelty, it’s going to be painful for both of you, however, the best thing you can do for an unhealthy relationship is call it off.
“A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage”
Sincerely speaking, Mac relationship with Mag was not an unhealthy one from the beginning. What then is the challenge? Read the brief story.
“A ring doesn’t make a lady sincere to you”
After a few months of relationship, Mac engaged Mag with the agreement on both side to make it husband and wife. But suddenly, Mag changed in behavior and decided not to see Mac for any reason. Knowing that, Mag has started hanging out with a male friend and became attached emotionally but before Mac could realize it, a quit letter had already been prepared. Is it that Mac is not caring enough, or may be is not man enough, but mag had confess several times to Mac, as the best man she has ever come across. But the Yoruba adage will say, “aja to ba ma sonu, ko ni gbo fere olode.
”‘’When you are not sincere in relationship, you cannot be sincere in marriage’’
Eventually, and without any offence, Mag called Mac and said in a loud voice, I want a breakup. A shock! Mac thought it was a joke, not until over two months of plead by Mac, still Mag decision won’t change. What then is her reason for a breakup, she said, ‘I am not in love with you Mac, does it really shocked you? I got some facts and realize she’s seriously emotionally attached to another guy and started dating him, oh what a pity! You’ll say. How did Mac feel? Hum
It is fair to say that, breaking up relationship even a bad one, is ever free from pain for either person, be you the breaker or the breakee, you can expect to suffer loss and expect to grieve, but not in the case of Mag. What a wicked lady you think? Mac, how can someone be so present in your life one moment and gone the next, so surprised that affection we shared together suddenly disappear.
“Attention grows affection”
However, even in pain I have discovered a few reasons why some stay in an unhealthy relationship; can I share few with you? Thanks for given me your time, this is where you need to learn!!!
REASON 1: Some stays in a relationship because of time and energy (resources) invested. I think that makes them hang onto an unhealthy relationship.
REASON 2: I can make him or her change. Trust me you can’t change what you have not created.
REASON 3: God said it. (Will). Double check, if God said it then what is God saying now? And however, it takes two to make it happen. We can’t force things to be.
REASON 4: Social Pressure. You want to belong.
REASON 5: No Alternative. Another reason some stay in an unhealthy relationship is because they don’t have an alternative.
“Every broken heart has a heartbreaker”
Even while you want to breakup, why not talk to a confidant, don’t keep it to yourself if the idea is rolling around your head, and while do you have to do it when you are in love with another person, it ‘s a jilt and double dating. Call it unfaithful partner.
But also if you’ll have to break, you don’t have to put it off, face it. I realize the longer you put it off, the more pain you cause. Really, I advice you don’t enter a conspiracy of silence when it comes to your feelings, but make it a clean breakup. I think the best approach is to be honest and direct, I hope you will agree with me that being honest is not the same as being brutal. You can still be gentle if you are going to make a clean breakup. Never do it to molest the other person. Someone may want to know what I did after a breakup. Just a few things! Some facts to observe!!!
FACT 1: I face reality. I mean I have to move on, and admit the relationship is over. Most times if you don’t admit denial you may have to lose your dignity and people who don’t admit it’s over will sacrifice their self respect.
“If you don’t have a self awareness, a denial may let you lose your self esteem”
FACT 2: I stop blaming myself. Self blame will do nothing to help you learn from mistakes and become a better person.
FACT 3: I never think of revenge.
FACT 4: Beware of Rebounding. Research shows that people on the rebound tend to fall in love with people who will soon reject them.
Personal opinion, I think ladies initiate breakups more than guys do and feel in more control of the situation, reason been that they have more friends ‘male’ to help them deal with distress after the breakup. Personal experience as I said.
As part of my experience and discovery, can I just mention few of those things I went through after and during the breakup? Sit right and learn!!!
PHAZE 1: DENIAL. Just at this point you are going to feel rejected. But don’t see less of who you are.
PHAZE 2: BARGAINING. No false expectation. Don’t negotiate within you, coming back or not. Just move on.
PHAZE 3: DEPRESSION. You deserve to feel depressed after losing someone you truly love. But don’t stay too long. Move on with your life.
PHAZE 4: ACCEPTACE. According to Robert Frost, acceptance comes when you bow to the end of a love, when we recognize its season has passed.
And after the whole scenario, I thought my heart was going to break in pieces, I was very upset and disappointed, couldn’t eat for days, got deeply depressed and feel no one could have convinced me I would ever get over Mag, but in time I did and with the help of my mentor, Pastor Tunji Babajide, the one who could not hide the truth from me, and also Pastor Olumide Omojuyigbe for been so blunt and real.
Dear Friend, you may want to ask, what are you suppose to do after a breakup. It’s alright to get depress but don’t stay long, just get up and move on with your life. This is what I learned, if somebody want to walk out of your life, LET THEM GO!!! Especially, in a situation whereby you have tried to be the best you can be. Not everybody that comes into your life have come to stay, some people come in your life for a life time, and some come for season, but you have to differentiate, you can always mess up when you mix -up seasonal people with life time expectation. You can’t get married with someone you are supposed to be with for a season, trouble!!! Wahala!!!
Illustration. I have seen everybody coming into my life like a category of a tree. Some people are like the leaves, they’re never stable during storm, and most people in our society are like that. And some people are like a branch on a tree, they make you think they are good friends, just be careful because they’ll fool you, and the moment you step on them, they breakup and leave you. But if you find two or three people in your life like the root at the bottom of a tree, you are blessed and celebrate them.
“Too many friends don’t make you too much”
A tree can have many leaves but a few roots make it stand, too many friends don’t make you too much. I really appreciate the two brothers that stood by me like the root, Obafemi Samuel & Olabode Matthew; Seye Jeff, you remain my best friend. I love you guys more than silver and gold. And also to my precious aunt, Kehinde Adebayo…. You deserve the best ma! lol
I must confess that I never regret knowing Mag, and I never took it personal, it was just an event. She taught me what I never knew, she showed me what I couldn’t have seen, and she made me believe in my dream. Until I get to see you on this side of the world or the other side of the world, in a seminar or maybe I’ll come and speak for a company that you work for some day, I hope I get a chance to meet you, till then. I wish you the best Mag !!!
“Beauty on the outside is not equal beauty on the inside”
You may have one or two questions to ask me, please feel free; +2348030803499. Or mail me at hincyt@gmail.com; face book ID; Mclawrence Whurley Joseph
It’s my honor to share a few thoughts and experience with you. And I hope you have desire to make things right in your relationship. It doesn’t matter who you are, not even where you’ve been, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, it doesn’t matter how many times you have fallen, you can get up and start all over again, if you’ll have to.
hincyte
Hi friends, It gives me great delight to share with you in a moment, a true life story of Mac, who got into a relationship with a damsel called Mag. I am confident that at the end of this write up you will have a few things to learn not by default anyway. Laugh! A young man called Mac started a short-lived romantic and envied relationship with a young and descent lady, called Mag in the city of Lagos, Nigeria. But this eight months mellifluous affair ended just some weeks ago.
“The best divorce is the one you get before you get married”
I am about to express my sincere mind and my experience in a broken relationship. Hum! Do we still have a life after a break up? Share my heart trauma.
The truth is that, a break up is one of the toughest things you’ll ever experience. Breaking up from an unhealthy relationship even hurts. And research proved that, the person who initiates a break up can suffer more unhappiness than the person who is being rejected. Research shows fifty one percent of breakups are initiated by the woman and forty two percent by the man.
I think sometimes, a breakup helps the destiny of both party, especially in an unhealthy relationship, but the truth remains that breaking up can be the kindest cruelty, it’s going to be painful for both of you, however, the best thing you can do for an unhealthy relationship is call it off.
“A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage”
Sincerely speaking, Mac relationship with Mag was not an unhealthy one from the beginning. What then is the challenge? Read the brief story.
“A ring doesn’t make a lady sincere to you”
After a few months of relationship, Mac engaged Mag with the agreement on both side to make it husband and wife. But suddenly, Mag changed in behavior and decided not to see Mac for any reason. Knowing that, Mag has started hanging out with a male friend and became attached emotionally but before Mac could realize it, a quit letter had already been prepared. Is it that Mac is not caring enough, or may be is not man enough, but mag had confess several times to Mac, as the best man she has ever come across. But the Yoruba adage will say, “aja to ba ma sonu, ko ni gbo fere olode.
”‘’When you are not sincere in relationship, you cannot be sincere in marriage’’
Eventually, and without any offence, Mag called Mac and said in a loud voice, I want a breakup. A shock! Mac thought it was a joke, not until over two months of plead by Mac, still Mag decision won’t change. What then is her reason for a breakup, she said, ‘I am not in love with you Mac, does it really shocked you? I got some facts and realize she’s seriously emotionally attached to another guy and started dating him, oh what a pity! You’ll say. How did Mac feel? Hum
It is fair to say that, breaking up relationship even a bad one, is ever free from pain for either person, be you the breaker or the breakee, you can expect to suffer loss and expect to grieve, but not in the case of Mag. What a wicked lady you think? Mac, how can someone be so present in your life one moment and gone the next, so surprised that affection we shared together suddenly disappear.
“Attention grows affection”
However, even in pain I have discovered a few reasons why some stay in an unhealthy relationship; can I share few with you? Thanks for given me your time, this is where you need to learn!!!
REASON 1: Some stays in a relationship because of time and energy (resources) invested. I think that makes them hang onto an unhealthy relationship.
REASON 2: I can make him or her change. Trust me you can’t change what you have not created.
REASON 3: God said it. (Will). Double check, if God said it then what is God saying now? And however, it takes two to make it happen. We can’t force things to be.
REASON 4: Social Pressure. You want to belong.
REASON 5: No Alternative. Another reason some stay in an unhealthy relationship is because they don’t have an alternative.
“Every broken heart has a heartbreaker”
Even while you want to breakup, why not talk to a confidant, don’t keep it to yourself if the idea is rolling around your head, and while do you have to do it when you are in love with another person, it ‘s a jilt and double dating. Call it unfaithful partner.
But also if you’ll have to break, you don’t have to put it off, face it. I realize the longer you put it off, the more pain you cause. Really, I advice you don’t enter a conspiracy of silence when it comes to your feelings, but make it a clean breakup. I think the best approach is to be honest and direct, I hope you will agree with me that being honest is not the same as being brutal. You can still be gentle if you are going to make a clean breakup. Never do it to molest the other person. Someone may want to know what I did after a breakup. Just a few things! Some facts to observe!!!
FACT 1: I face reality. I mean I have to move on, and admit the relationship is over. Most times if you don’t admit denial you may have to lose your dignity and people who don’t admit it’s over will sacrifice their self respect.
“If you don’t have a self awareness, a denial may let you lose your self esteem”
FACT 2: I stop blaming myself. Self blame will do nothing to help you learn from mistakes and become a better person.
FACT 3: I never think of revenge.
FACT 4: Beware of Rebounding. Research shows that people on the rebound tend to fall in love with people who will soon reject them.
Personal opinion, I think ladies initiate breakups more than guys do and feel in more control of the situation, reason been that they have more friends ‘male’ to help them deal with distress after the breakup. Personal experience as I said.
As part of my experience and discovery, can I just mention few of those things I went through after and during the breakup? Sit right and learn!!!
PHAZE 1: DENIAL. Just at this point you are going to feel rejected. But don’t see less of who you are.
PHAZE 2: BARGAINING. No false expectation. Don’t negotiate within you, coming back or not. Just move on.
PHAZE 3: DEPRESSION. You deserve to feel depressed after losing someone you truly love. But don’t stay too long. Move on with your life.
PHAZE 4: ACCEPTACE. According to Robert Frost, acceptance comes when you bow to the end of a love, when we recognize its season has passed.
And after the whole scenario, I thought my heart was going to break in pieces, I was very upset and disappointed, couldn’t eat for days, got deeply depressed and feel no one could have convinced me I would ever get over Mag, but in time I did and with the help of my mentor, Pastor Tunji Babajide, the one who could not hide the truth from me, and also Pastor Olumide Omojuyigbe for been so blunt and real.
Dear Friend, you may want to ask, what are you suppose to do after a breakup. It’s alright to get depress but don’t stay long, just get up and move on with your life. This is what I learned, if somebody want to walk out of your life, LET THEM GO!!! Especially, in a situation whereby you have tried to be the best you can be. Not everybody that comes into your life have come to stay, some people come in your life for a life time, and some come for season, but you have to differentiate, you can always mess up when you mix -up seasonal people with life time expectation. You can’t get married with someone you are supposed to be with for a season, trouble!!! Wahala!!!
Illustration. I have seen everybody coming into my life like a category of a tree. Some people are like the leaves, they’re never stable during storm, and most people in our society are like that. And some people are like a branch on a tree, they make you think they are good friends, just be careful because they’ll fool you, and the moment you step on them, they breakup and leave you. But if you find two or three people in your life like the root at the bottom of a tree, you are blessed and celebrate them.
“Too many friends don’t make you too much”
A tree can have many leaves but a few roots make it stand, too many friends don’t make you too much. I really appreciate the two brothers that stood by me like the root, Obafemi Samuel & Olabode Matthew; Seye Jeff, you remain my best friend. I love you guys more than silver and gold. And also to my precious aunt, Kehinde Adebayo…. You deserve the best ma! lol
I must confess that I never regret knowing Mag, and I never took it personal, it was just an event. She taught me what I never knew, she showed me what I couldn’t have seen, and she made me believe in my dream. Until I get to see you on this side of the world or the other side of the world, in a seminar or maybe I’ll come and speak for a company that you work for some day, I hope I get a chance to meet you, till then. I wish you the best Mag !!!
“Beauty on the outside is not equal beauty on the inside”
You may have one or two questions to ask me, please feel free; +2348030803499. Or mail me at hincyt@gmail.com; face book ID; Mclawrence Whurley Joseph
It’s my honor to share a few thoughts and experience with you. And I hope you have desire to make things right in your relationship. It doesn’t matter who you are, not even where you’ve been, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, it doesn’t matter how many times you have fallen, you can get up and start all over again, if you’ll have to.
hincyte
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
PARADIGM SHIFT!!!
"All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve
is the direct result of his own thoughts." - James Allen
Your outer world is very much a mirror image of your inner world. What is going on outside of you is a reflection of what is going on the inside. Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. Remember, what the mind can conceive the mind can achieve. If you want a different result in your life, all you have to do is to change your thought, or maybe you want to change your life then change your thoughts.
"The conventional wisdom of the world is, "I'll believe it when I see it."
One of the greatest favors you can do the world is to grow a positive mindset. You need to do the very thing you think you cannot do. I agree that no one is better than you, if you can think success, then you’ll become success. Nature treats everyone alike, and nature plays no favorites. Aristotle wrote, “Whatever is impressed is expressed,” you cannot express what you are not inside on the outside. Your expression inside is your reflection outside. Your outer world corresponds to your inner world, and overtime, what happens to you depends to a degree on what happen inside you. Thought is quite literally the often overlooked seed that shapes YOUR external world.
Change Your Thoughts, And You Will Change Your World!
There is no doubt sir, that your external experience is a reflection of your internal thought. I have said all of these to say that your subconscious mind is enormously power. You cannot be small on the inside and you expect to be big on the outside. You are nothing but a reflection of your thought. Your thought is who you are. Have you ever given much "thought" with regard to what your thoughts are, where they come from or the power they have in molding and shaping your life?
You are not what people think you are, you are a perfect picture of your thought, you are the only architect of your future, and if it doesn’t look great inside it cannot be great on the outside. Your thought becomes you, and you become thoughts. Change your thought and you change your life. Peace within!!!
"The Average Human Thinks 60,000 Thoughts per Day"
Only hungry minds grow!!!
Oluwole Joseph
hincyt.gmail.com
+2348030803499
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