Hi friends, It gives me great delight to share with you in a moment, a true life story of Mac, who got into a relationship with a damsel called Mag. I am confident that at the end of this write up you will have a few things to learn not by default anyway. Laugh! A young man called Mac started a short-lived romantic and envied relationship with a young and descent lady, called Mag in the city of Lagos, Nigeria. But this eight months mellifluous affair ended just some weeks ago.
“The best divorce is the one you get before you get married”
I am about to express my sincere mind and my experience in a broken relationship. Hum! Do we still have a life after a break up? Share my heart trauma.
The truth is that, a break up is one of the toughest things you’ll ever experience. Breaking up from an unhealthy relationship even hurts. And research proved that, the person who initiates a break up can suffer more unhappiness than the person who is being rejected. Research shows fifty one percent of breakups are initiated by the woman and forty two percent by the man.
I think sometimes, a breakup helps the destiny of both party, especially in an unhealthy relationship, but the truth remains that breaking up can be the kindest cruelty, it’s going to be painful for both of you, however, the best thing you can do for an unhealthy relationship is call it off.
“A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage”
Sincerely speaking, Mac relationship with Mag was not an unhealthy one from the beginning. What then is the challenge? Read the brief story.
“A ring doesn’t make a lady sincere to you”
After a few months of relationship, Mac engaged Mag with the agreement on both side to make it husband and wife. But suddenly, Mag changed in behavior and decided not to see Mac for any reason. Knowing that, Mag has started hanging out with a male friend and became attached emotionally but before Mac could realize it, a quit letter had already been prepared. Is it that Mac is not caring enough, or may be is not man enough, but mag had confess several times to Mac, as the best man she has ever come across. But the Yoruba adage will say, “aja to ba ma sonu, ko ni gbo fere olode.
”‘’When you are not sincere in relationship, you cannot be sincere in marriage’’
Eventually, and without any offence, Mag called Mac and said in a loud voice, I want a breakup. A shock! Mac thought it was a joke, not until over two months of plead by Mac, still Mag decision won’t change. What then is her reason for a breakup, she said, ‘I am not in love with you Mac, does it really shocked you? I got some facts and realize she’s seriously emotionally attached to another guy and started dating him, oh what a pity! You’ll say. How did Mac feel? Hum
It is fair to say that, breaking up relationship even a bad one, is ever free from pain for either person, be you the breaker or the breakee, you can expect to suffer loss and expect to grieve, but not in the case of Mag. What a wicked lady you think? Mac, how can someone be so present in your life one moment and gone the next, so surprised that affection we shared together suddenly disappear.
“Attention grows affection”
However, even in pain I have discovered a few reasons why some stay in an unhealthy relationship; can I share few with you? Thanks for given me your time, this is where you need to learn!!!
REASON 1: Some stays in a relationship because of time and energy (resources) invested. I think that makes them hang onto an unhealthy relationship.
REASON 2: I can make him or her change. Trust me you can’t change what you have not created.
REASON 3: God said it. (Will). Double check, if God said it then what is God saying now? And however, it takes two to make it happen. We can’t force things to be.
REASON 4: Social Pressure. You want to belong.
REASON 5: No Alternative. Another reason some stay in an unhealthy relationship is because they don’t have an alternative.
“Every broken heart has a heartbreaker”
Even while you want to breakup, why not talk to a confidant, don’t keep it to yourself if the idea is rolling around your head, and while do you have to do it when you are in love with another person, it ‘s a jilt and double dating. Call it unfaithful partner.
But also if you’ll have to break, you don’t have to put it off, face it. I realize the longer you put it off, the more pain you cause. Really, I advice you don’t enter a conspiracy of silence when it comes to your feelings, but make it a clean breakup. I think the best approach is to be honest and direct, I hope you will agree with me that being honest is not the same as being brutal. You can still be gentle if you are going to make a clean breakup. Never do it to molest the other person. Someone may want to know what I did after a breakup. Just a few things! Some facts to observe!!!
FACT 1: I face reality. I mean I have to move on, and admit the relationship is over. Most times if you don’t admit denial you may have to lose your dignity and people who don’t admit it’s over will sacrifice their self respect.
“If you don’t have a self awareness, a denial may let you lose your self esteem”
FACT 2: I stop blaming myself. Self blame will do nothing to help you learn from mistakes and become a better person.
FACT 3: I never think of revenge.
FACT 4: Beware of Rebounding. Research shows that people on the rebound tend to fall in love with people who will soon reject them.
Personal opinion, I think ladies initiate breakups more than guys do and feel in more control of the situation, reason been that they have more friends ‘male’ to help them deal with distress after the breakup. Personal experience as I said.
As part of my experience and discovery, can I just mention few of those things I went through after and during the breakup? Sit right and learn!!!
PHAZE 1: DENIAL. Just at this point you are going to feel rejected. But don’t see less of who you are.
PHAZE 2: BARGAINING. No false expectation. Don’t negotiate within you, coming back or not. Just move on.
PHAZE 3: DEPRESSION. You deserve to feel depressed after losing someone you truly love. But don’t stay too long. Move on with your life.
PHAZE 4: ACCEPTACE. According to Robert Frost, acceptance comes when you bow to the end of a love, when we recognize its season has passed.
And after the whole scenario, I thought my heart was going to break in pieces, I was very upset and disappointed, couldn’t eat for days, got deeply depressed and feel no one could have convinced me I would ever get over Mag, but in time I did and with the help of my mentor, Pastor Tunji Babajide, the one who could not hide the truth from me, and also Pastor Olumide Omojuyigbe for been so blunt and real.
Dear Friend, you may want to ask, what are you suppose to do after a breakup. It’s alright to get depress but don’t stay long, just get up and move on with your life. This is what I learned, if somebody want to walk out of your life, LET THEM GO!!! Especially, in a situation whereby you have tried to be the best you can be. Not everybody that comes into your life have come to stay, some people come in your life for a life time, and some come for season, but you have to differentiate, you can always mess up when you mix -up seasonal people with life time expectation. You can’t get married with someone you are supposed to be with for a season, trouble!!! Wahala!!!
Illustration. I have seen everybody coming into my life like a category of a tree. Some people are like the leaves, they’re never stable during storm, and most people in our society are like that. And some people are like a branch on a tree, they make you think they are good friends, just be careful because they’ll fool you, and the moment you step on them, they breakup and leave you. But if you find two or three people in your life like the root at the bottom of a tree, you are blessed and celebrate them.
“Too many friends don’t make you too much”
A tree can have many leaves but a few roots make it stand, too many friends don’t make you too much. I really appreciate the two brothers that stood by me like the root, Obafemi Samuel & Olabode Matthew; Seye Jeff, you remain my best friend. I love you guys more than silver and gold. And also to my precious aunt, Kehinde Adebayo…. You deserve the best ma! lol
I must confess that I never regret knowing Mag, and I never took it personal, it was just an event. She taught me what I never knew, she showed me what I couldn’t have seen, and she made me believe in my dream. Until I get to see you on this side of the world or the other side of the world, in a seminar or maybe I’ll come and speak for a company that you work for some day, I hope I get a chance to meet you, till then. I wish you the best Mag !!!
“Beauty on the outside is not equal beauty on the inside”
You may have one or two questions to ask me, please feel free; +2348030803499. Or mail me at hincyt@gmail.com; face book ID; Mclawrence Whurley Joseph
It’s my honor to share a few thoughts and experience with you. And I hope you have desire to make things right in your relationship. It doesn’t matter who you are, not even where you’ve been, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, it doesn’t matter how many times you have fallen, you can get up and start all over again, if you’ll have to.
hincyte
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